Hash Trash - Run 137

Location: Turgutreis

Date: Sunday, 17 November 2013

Hares: Doggy Style & Fishy Fingers

Scribe: Vacuum Cleaner

Meeting at the D marine in PJ’s on a ‘full moon’ hash was always going to be weird, but as if that was bad enough, the PJ’s worn only reminded us of teletubbies on a bad day…no wonder these moo’s have very little activity in the bed room department!!

The replacement RA (hose handler) greeted the pack with a beautiful joke about aliens and fuel pumps, but as always the pressure of the undeserving bunch forced him to fluster mainly being led astray by Helmet polisher who was the first to heckle him!! After the hares (fish fingers & Doggie style) lied about the run details, we were blinded by the array of lights coming off the heads of those well prepared hashers…useless really as the brightness of the moon led us on our way, only wishing I’d brought a light too!

The stupid ones amongst us ran the wrong way, looking for marks which were obviously washed out by the hard working road cleaners of Turgutreis that work only at 6pm on a Sunday evening according to FF, utterly convinced she was right we followed again her the right way heading towards Fener lighthouse along the coastal path. A beautiful trail if there’s light! But in the dark a haunted path through a strange park, praying no one would attack us and lucky not to have our throats cut. We found another path would lead us back to the coast road and eventually to a check. At this point just like the children’s rhyme, ‘the wise old duke of York’, Shitter would guide us to the top of the hill, being that wise old man we’d expected his words to be utterly true and so turned about to run back down again but when we were down, we were down!! And when they were half way up, he’d led us back up again! Because he didn’t check properly!

Lovejoy blasted his way around looking for marks, which could only be found by him, no one else could be bothered. Many such marks made him run back to us, but as we had long since suspected the hook would be in such a direction, we followed the GM instead on a flat plain toward the harbour and ONIN. The welcome site of whilst your down there in her cow/cat suit was only made better only after several refreshing beers. A circle was formed in the car park and hares were given first DD’s for causing such pain.

The returnees VC & SP who never left cos they love BH3 were awarded DD’s for not leaving when their supposed too! The best dressed PJ’s awards were given with Butt butt & Flasher who looked like something out of victoria’s secret…..NOT! wearing what can only be described as a mouse/dog costume, well both had ears anyway…and could have been anything really!!

VC told a joke to show the new RA how it’s done and ofcourse it was rubbish!! But he use Doggy style as a prop (she was the cowboys horse) which earned a few points! The closing was marked with a verse from blue moon….few people knew the words. The ‘ononon’ was at Carlos pizzeria, because the GM was in attendance, the quality of the food and service was incredible, the table was a wash with food never normally offered, even free ice cream was given in order to mark the occasion. All in all a fun time. On On VC.

Hash Trash - Run 136

Location: Fener

Date: Sunday, 3 November 2013

Hares: Pisser & Flasher

Scribe: Pisser

It was quite fitting that the circle for hash 136, the final hash before the summer hashers leave for their winter destinations, was held on the beach at Fener.  The RA had done his job well, it was a lovely sunny evening but not too warm. 

At 2pm prompt the GM for the days proceedings, Hose Handler, called all 20 hashers in to the circle.  His first duty was to name the HONer for this weeks hash.  Butt Butt was called in and informed that she was the HONer.  The hares Pisser and Flasher were called in and they gave the usual “flat, short” speech.  A quick tot up of numbers attending the On On On was done and they were back out.  The GM then opened up with his first joke which went down very well.  This funny spell was brought to an abrupt halt as the RA, VC took the circle.  VC then proved that just because you don’t know the end of a joke, it doesn’t mean it can’t be funny.  Even if not necessarily for the right reasons.  He followed this with his customary warm up and this concluded the opening circle.

On On was called.  The trail immediately went up a hill, then up some more followed by some more up.  At last we got to the top and went downhill again only to go along for a few hundred metres and then, yes, back up to the top again.  By this stage the walkers and runners had split and would not meet again until the end.  The route took us through the village of Fener out in to the country.  Up a river bed and then back through the village on the other side of the valley.  The runners stayed mostly together with the exception of VC who ran on ahead, must have been feeling keen as it was his last hash for a while.  Due to a large van parking directly over a check VC carried on back alone, never once wondering why there were no further marks.  After some 1 hour 15 minutes all were back safe and sound.

The GM called the circle.  It was then noted that we had an extra hasher.  Semen had turned up after we had started. He had gone the wrong way on the trail so missed it completely.  Never mind, better late than never at least he made it for his favourite bit..... the beer.  First in the circle was Butt Butt, the HONer.  This was awarded due to Butt Butt stepping in at the last moment to cover as hash flash for Doggy Style who had been taken ill.  Next came the hares.  The RA complained about bad marking as he had missed a check but he was soon silenced by the cheering crowds.  Next we had 2 virgins, Debbie and Rachel.  They were followed by the returnee, Flasher.  The GM soon realised that he had forgotten to nominate a scribe.  At the third time of asking, Pisser said he would do it.  The GM handed over to the RA and he was off.  Flasher was given another down down for returning from Australia which she obviously had to drink on her head.    The virgins were brought in to give us a little insight as to who they are. They were also told all the hashers names. It was not long after this that Butt Butt introduced her identical twin sister Çok Çılgın from Istanbul.  The girls put on a very entertaining dance for the circle, which must have taken hours of bedroom rehearsals.  After the dance Çılgın decided she need to sit down...oops lay down.  Miss attitude was brought in for wearing her Halloween costume, a scary cat.  Lots of other hashers, myself included, were brought in to the circle on trumped up charges and given a swift down down.  The RA then wowed us with his usual mix of tongue in cheek and risqué repartee.  The GM came back in and called all those heading off for the winter in to the circle for a down down.  A seasonal farewell was bid to, I Love Clock, Tramp Juice, Stalker, Happy, Semen and Vacuum Cleaner.   The RA did his final “Oh Lord” and the circle was then closed.  Those that attended the restaurant had a great meal and the view of the sun setting over the sea was a lovely way to end a pleasant evening.

On On

Pisser