Hash Trash - Run 131

Location: Turgutreis

Date: Sunday, 25 August 2013

Hares: Pisser & Flasher

Scribe: Fishy Fingers

Sunday 25th August a hot sunny afternoon and a group of hashers (27 I think but I forgot to count) met at the base of Mount Turgutreis for a fun filled afternoon /evening (late night for some of us! ).The RA had done his job and arranged the good weather and the circle was called .GM called in the hares (himself and oops I think he made a big mistake in failing to acknowledge his better half Flasher as fellow hare) usual porkies flat (we do have eyes) short etc. Then onto the announcement of a new award at the start of each run a mention (and rosette) for the Hasher Of Note (HON-er) from the previous run awarded by the hares from that run for something outstanding (good or bad) that deserves a mention. The first 2 choices from the previous run weren't in attendance so 3rd choice (sorry) went to RFBR for leading the FRBs the wrong way.  Then in came the RA for some usual jokes (at least that's what he says they are). The On On On was to be a BBQ/picnic on the beach afterwards so no numbers /orders needed, so to the cries of ON ON off we went .

The runners soon started to climb the hill to check and on on was called only to discover a nasty back check, back down we went and further along only to restart the ascent, we all had a good idea where we were heading to a viewing point by the flagpole on the top of the mountain, by the time we got there I was suffering altitude sickness (or maybe that was my hangover) and the sight of a beer/water stop was an oasis in the desert. View taken in and thirst quenched off we went again, at this point the more optimistic of us thought we were as high as we could go, how wrong were they! The walkers went on a slightly easier route with the runners scrambling up the hillside through brambly type bushes (ouch) or along a slightly easier path for those who listened to the hare, and up and around the highest point we went. We then started descending and winding back around the mountain we headed back to the RV for much needed refreshments all arriving back within a few minutes of each other.  Another excellent trail thoroughly enjoyed by all!

The circle was called and GM called some down downs (my memory is definitely going be it with age or alcohol but I am struggling to think what they were for), told some jokes then handed over to the RA who called in and gave down downs to virgin hashers young and old , returnees, misnamers (oh there were plenty), new shoes for Cradle Snatcher saw her drinking from both shoes for some reason and double portions given by her own mother Pussy Galore, how  cruel! New hasher Rory was called in to show us a bit of air guitar with Pisser as support!  Then various other down downs and out of tune hash songs given by the RA (I am going to be in so much trouble!) Before long, ON ON ON was called and we headed in convoy to the beach.

 Once on the beach it became apparent of the poor/rich divide, some of us had soggy butties and some had gas BBQs, top tables worthy of a wedding reception and choice cuts of meat. The hares even pulled some live entertainment out of the bag (or off the street, poor soul didn't know what had hit him) with a Turkish guy paying guitar and singing for us! A very pleasant evening was had by all with some of us staying until very very late as we were so relaxed.  Thank you again to the hares for an excellent trail and On On On!

Fishy Fingers.

Hash Trash - Run 130

Location: Turgutreis/Kadikalesi

Date: Sunday,  11 August 2013

Hares: Doggy style & Fishy Fingers

Scribe: Flasher

Run 130 was held in Turgutreis/Kadikalesi and was hared by Doggy Style and Fishy Fingers. The RV was held at the camel wrestling ground in Turgutreis, almost on top of the Aegean Sea or The toilet as it soon became known... The circle was called at smack on 5pm by the GM with Run Fat Boy Run making it by the skin of his teeth, he'd been sorting out the BBQ was his lame excuse. The GM got the circle going with a joke and then plonking the naming hat on one of the virgins, Matthew. The RA (Semen) then gave the pack their warm up, it was different for sure, the actions of Father Abraham but no song, some of the youngsters there were very bemused. The hares were then called into the circle to tell us the friendly hash fibs, which they did, short, cool, cocktail pit stop, flat etc etc. On on was called.

Thankfully we had two thoughtful hares who gave a good hilly run for the frb's and a shorter not so hilly route for the walkers. We all head off together, old hashers, young hashers and just plain daft hashers, straight across the beach and on to Kadikalesi, great marks and plenty of circles, the pack soon split so by the time we got to Kadikalesi we could make out exactly where we were going, up, up and up, up up, well some did, some sneaked off along the flat road back to Turgutreis but my memory is poor, I can't for the life of me remember who it was?

A couple of sneaky hashers returned back first to the RV shortly followed by the frb's,  within fifteen minutes we were all back supping efes, coke and eating lollies. The GM entertained us once again with another fabulous joke (I have to say that ;)) then the RA began his crazy half hour of down downs. Hares first for the rubbish hash then I think he called the mis-namers, the virgins, Connor, Mathew, Isobel and Skye, the returnees, one being very confused as he couldn't recall where he had left his keys, the hashers adorning pink, new shoes, t potting and then I luvs punk and Pubic enemy number one had their final down down with Smirnoff ice from the Bodrum Hash as they are shortly moving away to pastures green.

Mathew was then called in and knelt upon the mat with his big mug of beer, he knelt Mathew, drank his mug of beer without spilling a drop and then rose Driving up the rear!

The circle was then handed back to the GM and ononon was called,we all adjourned to the beach for a BBQ/picnic. To our total amazement there was a beautiful table set out, cutlery, glasses, serviettes, plates, wine and beer, you could feel the excitement amongst us then bang realisation set in. it was only for the chosen four the rest of us minions had to sit on our backsides on the beach ;) They did throw pieces of bread and salad throughout the evening and let us use their personal toilet so not all bad!

Thank you to both hares, a great hash and fabulous ononon, nobody waited and everyone enjoyed their meal especially the queen and crew, well done girls, maybe the beach is the way forward whilst we have good weather.

I think I can now speak for all of the hash, we wish Mandy and Trevor every happiness in their new home, we will all miss you pair of buggers so much, you have been great hashers joining in with setting hashes, writing the trash and just generally entertaining us, good luck guys, you will both be missed greatly.

Hash trash - Run 129

Location: Islamhaneleri

Date: Sunday, 28 July 2013

Hares: Dopey & Run Fat Boy Run

Scribe: Tea Leaf

28^th July was set to be a scorcher; in the reported 38 degree heat dedicated hashers and newcomers from far and wide began the quest to find the illusive Ranch, the destination for the RV. The quest to find the RV became more and more hopeless as hashers and newcomers were armed with nothing but dodgy directions given by fellow hasher and hare Dopey. Hashers were surprised at the miss direction given by Dopey, as throughout the life of Bodrum hashing he has always been one of the group’s best navigators, confidently guiding hashers in the right direction… but this time the heat must of got to him! After at least 10 extra minutes of relentless searching the hashers prevailed and came together within the grounds of Islamhaneleri Country Ranch, hot, flustered and ready for beer! No beer for us though, we aren’t champions yet… so we settle with water as we for the circle.

The sun beamed, the dust blew and the temperature rose as the hares, Run Fat Boy Run and Dopey entered the circle, They proceeded to spurt out what we would later discover were nothing but lies! Flat, No hills, One hill maybe, 17 Kilometer distance for walkers and Nice and Easy one… Yeah ok.

The group limbered up with a nice stretch routine from the RA, Vacuum cleaner meanwhile conversations were overheard about newcomer Kimie’s pre-hash bedroom warm up that resulted in her ‘non boyfriend’s’ back injury – We wont ask! There were a few returnees, Hash Dash, Boner, Whilst Your Down There and Jim and visitors from other hashes Savas from Ankara and Geezer Beaver from Kuwait joining us for an afternoon of debauchery.

Before the main event, GM Pisser was to be presented with the hash shit, for the first time in a long time our beloved Gm was to be punished for bad behavior… something to do with having to be put to bed and a miscalculation with a towel and side table… ooh so cryptic! Donned with a rather chic toilet seat and a big horn, Pisser announced the beginning of our adventure through the dry wilderness set before us. On On!

And we were off! Hash Dash a returnee this week was determined to come first so he left us all in a cloud of dust as he charged on with the Front Running Bastards. Coming up the rear was Hash Virgin Kimie as she received a brief lesson of hashing from Tits and Tealeaf, a look of despair formed on her face. At the first check the walkers and the runners reunited briefly for a good old moan about the rubbish markings and the relentless heat, but we all know such feeble hurdles don’t really faze a true hasher… We just do it to shirk off any comments about arrogance.

FRBs found the route and yet again we were onwards and this time upwards, a mountain stood before us and we still marched on. Evidently the wind, no longer present during the hash, had raged through the route and swept away some of our precious markings… momentary confusion was conquered with the help of the hares and the experienced hashers. It all became somewhat of an obstacle course, navigating narrow crevices, dodging piles of shit and herds of bewildered goats – and that was just the hashers! Up in front the FRB’s were jostling for front position as hooks and checks split them. Hash Dash still had his eye on the prize of first home! Meanwhile, at the rear Dopey was looking after the walkers, some of which were sustaining injuries; it was reported Tramp Juice had a nasty stumble in the riverbeds, but soldiered on with the care of Happy – Champion Teamwork! There was also a reported melting incident with virgin Kimie but determined to conquer her first hash, she persisted on with the help of others through the arid terrain and was rewarded greatly by a right dunking in a local fountain.

How the hell the hares set the hash no one knows, there was word of off-roading in vans, running out of powder and snakes…. Sound all a bit ominous to me! All I know is it took them 5.5 hours to come home.

The hugely diverse trail was confirmed to be 9.5km for runners and 4.5 for walkers and I’m sure to some it felt a lot further! BUT WE DID IT! With some of the FRBs coming in first but being disqualified for missing the last hook relinquishing the first four places to Doggy Style, Fishy Fingers and Hose Handler. The little star of the hash was Hash Dash who was rewarded for his relentless efforts to be first home.

BRING ON THE BEER!

In the closing circle It was down downs all round, numerous miss-namings but one of which was from hash veteran Semen! Multiple teapotters and repeat teapotters, hashers in pink did their turn as Jim took a big one for his daughters pink ensemble. The RA Vacuum Cleaner, Sugarpuff and Miss Attitude were given something to swallow for their items of lost property during Hash 128, Doggystyle got stuffed for her ginger impersonation, Pisser was stitched up no end by wing man Vacuum Cleaner, all the Deirdres with their big glasses swallowed their fair share. As per usual we were tortured by the RA with crap jokes and his position was soon threatened as youngster Hash Dash stepped up to give a us a laugh with a rude joke he’d kept up his sleeve much to the embarrassment of his Grandma, Happy.

There were mutterings amongst the group as “bees” were hassling the ladies, or at least that’s the excuse I Love Clock gave to slap Tramp Juice round her legs.

Thanks again to the hares for a great trail and a fab afternoon of hashing!

On On!!