Location: Islamhaneleri
Date: Sunday, 28 July 2013
Hares: Dopey &
Run Fat Boy Run
Scribe: Tea Leaf
28th July was set to be a scorcher;
in the reported 38 degree heat dedicated hashers and newcomers from far and
wide began the quest to find the illusive Ranch, the destination for the RV. The
quest to find the RV became more and more hopeless as hashers and newcomers
were armed with nothing but dodgy directions given by fellow hasher and hare Dopey.
Hashers were surprised at the miss direction given by Dopey, as throughout the
life of Bodrum hashing he has always been one of the group’s best navigators,
confidently guiding hashers in the right direction… but this time the heat must
of got to him! After at least 10 extra minutes of relentless searching the
hashers prevailed and came together within the grounds of Islamhaneleri Country
Ranch, hot, flustered and ready for beer! No beer for us though, we aren’t
champions yet… so we settle with water as we for the circle.
The sun beamed, the dust blew and the
temperature rose as the hares, Run Fat Boy Run and Dopey entered the circle,
They proceeded to spurt out what we would later discover were nothing but lies!
Flat, No hills, One hill maybe, 17 Kilometer distance for walkers and Nice and
Easy one… Yeah ok.
The group limbered up with a nice stretch
routine from the RA, Vacuum cleaner meanwhile conversations were overheard
about newcomer Kimie’s pre-hash bedroom warm up that resulted in her ‘non boyfriend’s’
back injury – We wont ask! There were a few returnees, Hash Dash, Boner, Whilst
Your Down There and Jim and visitors from other hashes Savas from Ankara and Geezer
Beaver from Kuwait joining us for an afternoon of debauchery.
Before the main event, GM Pisser was to be
presented with the hash shit, for the first time in a long time our beloved Gm
was to be punished for bad behavior… something to do with having to be put to
bed and a miscalculation with a towel and side table… ooh so cryptic! Donned
with a rather chic toilet seat and a big horn, Pisser announced the beginning
of our adventure through the dry wilderness set before us. On On!
And we were off! Hash Dash a returnee this
week was determined to come first so he left us all in a cloud of dust as he
charged on with the Front Running Bastards. Coming up the rear was Hash Virgin
Kimie as she received a brief lesson of hashing from Tits and Tealeaf, a look
of despair formed on her face. At the first check the walkers and the runners
reunited briefly for a good old moan about the rubbish markings and the
relentless heat, but we all know such feeble hurdles don’t really faze a true
hasher… We just do it to shirk off any comments about arrogance.
FRBs found the route and yet again we were
onwards and this time upwards, a mountain stood before us and we still marched
on. Evidently the wind, no longer present during the hash, had raged through
the route and swept away some of our precious markings… momentary confusion was
conquered with the help of the hares and the experienced hashers. It all became
somewhat of an obstacle course, navigating narrow crevices, dodging piles of
shit and herds of bewildered goats – and that was just the hashers! Up in front
the FRB’s were jostling for front position as hooks and checks split them. Hash
Dash still had his eye on the prize of first home! Meanwhile, at the rear Dopey
was looking after the walkers, some of which were sustaining injuries; it was
reported Tramp Juice had a nasty stumble in the riverbeds, but soldiered on
with the care of Happy – Champion Teamwork! There was also a reported melting
incident with virgin Kimie but determined to conquer her first hash, she
persisted on with the help of others through the arid terrain and was rewarded
greatly by a right dunking in a local fountain.
How the hell the hares set the hash no one
knows, there was word of off-roading in vans, running out of powder and
snakes…. Sound all a bit ominous to me! All I know is it took them 5.5 hours to
come home.
The hugely diverse trail was confirmed to be
9.5km for runners and 4.5 for walkers and I’m sure to some it felt a lot
further! BUT WE DID IT! With some of the FRBs coming in first but being
disqualified for missing the last hook relinquishing the first four places to
Doggy Style, Fishy Fingers and Hose Handler. The little star of the hash was
Hash Dash who was rewarded for his relentless efforts to be first home.
BRING ON THE BEER!
In the closing circle It was down downs all
round, numerous miss-namings but one of which was from hash veteran Semen! Multiple
teapotters and repeat teapotters, hashers in pink did their turn as Jim took a
big one for his daughters pink ensemble. The RA Vacuum Cleaner, Sugarpuff and
Miss Attitude were given something to swallow for their items of lost property
during Hash 128, Doggystyle got stuffed for her ginger impersonation, Pisser
was stitched up no end by wing man Vacuum Cleaner, all the Deirdres with their
big glasses swallowed their fair share. As per usual we were tortured by the RA
with crap jokes and his position was soon threatened as youngster Hash Dash stepped
up to give a us a laugh with a rude joke he’d kept up his sleeve much to the
embarrassment of his Grandma, Happy.
There were mutterings amongst the group as
“bees” were hassling the ladies, or at least that’s the excuse I Love Clock
gave to slap Tramp Juice round her legs.
Thanks again to the hares for a great trail
and a fab afternoon of hashing!
On On!!
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