Hash Trash - Run 144

The RV for Hash 144 was just a couple of hundred metres from the Bodrum airport road.  Not that you would know it from the route we were about to embark on.  Everyone arrived in good time, with the exception lightfoot, who was relying on pedal power to get there.  The circle was called and everyone gathered around.  There were 21 hashers in total.  This included 3 virgins and 3 returnees.  The RA, Hose Handler had done a great job with the weather.  This task will now fall to Culture Vulture for the next few months while Hose Handler stands in as GM until the big birthday bash in May.

First order of the day was the FRB from last time which was Culture Vulture.  He then stayed in the circle as him and Pisser were the HONers from the last hash.  Mainly because Culture Vulture led Pisser through a stinking river on the last hash.  They were then followed in by the birthday girl, Butt Butt who was presented with a walking stick by the GM.  The GM then told a few jokes and called in the Hare.  Even Culture Vulture couldn’t pull the “its flat” routine on this one.  The marking, calling etc.... were explained to the virgins.  Next in was the RA for a warm up which consisted of getting dressed up and going out in the rain which Helmet Polisher did a lot of on their recent trip to the UK.  And going in the car to the pub which Hose Handler did a lot of.  Warm up done, On On was called and we were off.

The route went pretty much straight up a track which was steep but easy going.  After a back check at the top which had been partially eaten by the goats we then went off piste.  The going here was a lot tougher and it was quite uneven under foot.  This went up for some distance and the further we went up the better the views became.  We enjoyed some stunning scenery as we looped up in to Pedasa where families were picnicking and enjoying BBQs.  The FRBs had pretty much lost the pack by this stage.  One of the virgins, Erkan was at the front for a while but faded after a few kilometres.  After a few more checks and back checks we were off back down the track we first went up and back at the RV.  Some of the hashers were already back as the trail was a bit too much for them.  The rest of the pack were soon back and tucking in to the beer.

First in the circle for a down down was the hare who got the usual heckles from the crowd.  Then we had the HONers and the birthday girl.  They were followed by the virgins and the returnees.  The GM told another joke and then handed over to the RA.  Muffin Muncher gave one of her jokes and it was then that the RA realised he had forgotten his joke book!!!  He had to go all “old school” and do it from memory.  Whatever he did, it worked, he got the best response he has had to a joke.  Even Helmet Polisher didn’t have a chance to help (heckle) him.  He definitely kept the best til last.  This was followed by various trumped up charges which saw nearly everyone get a down down.  Whilst your down there came in and gave the GM a large glass of port down down for his going AWOL until the birthday weekend.  One of two lots of port he was given in the circle.  The GM then said his goodbyes and everyone posed for a photograph to commemorate the day.  The majority of the hashers then went back to the Italian restaurant for afters.  The food was as usual, fantastic.  Lovely cakes were provided by Fishy Fingers.  The GM was given even more port so at the time of writing this trash, my heavy heart due to myself and Flasher leaving, is only matched by heavy head due to all the port I drank.

Happy trails

Pisser.

Hash Trash - Run 143

Hash 143 had been declared a Valentine’s Hash with hashers encouraged to wear red (or pink!!!) for the day.  A good motley crew of around 15 to 20 hashers turned up and it was good to see Ali for the first time even though his homemade walking stick looked a bit dangerous – was he expecting to get attacked?  Fishy Fingers was carrying a plate of homemade cup-cakes that would be on offer in the closing circle, so it was good that the RA for the day had organised fine weather to replace the earlier rain and so avoid them getting a bit soggy.

Pisser opened the circle trying to arrange it to avoid the mud patch created by some earlier rain.  Culture Vulture was given a down-down for FRB from the previous run even though he hadn’t completed the whole route (most marks had been cleaned up due to concerned villagers, Jandarma, and Zabita, thinking they might be poison for animals).  After welcoming a new virgin and entertaining as with his usual comedic discourse he handed over to the RA for the day Culture Vulture.  Before calling in the hares to explain what about the run would be different to usual, CV thought it necessary to bore the assembly with a discourse about what the usual marks and calling should be.  Then he proceeded to inform the circle that they shouldn’t believe a word the hares said anyway.  Totally flat, short and not a single step they said (Oh yeah? - more of that later).  The RA then explained that warming up should actually be stretching and, because of the warm winter anyway told a brilliant joke about Antarctic penguins and their mourning the dead ones (yeah – OK maybe the Scribe is a tad biased in his praise!).  A bit of penguin stretching finalised with most of the circle mourning “Freeze a Jolly Good Fellow” and then ON-ON was called.

Fortunately the hares had informed Jandarma and Zabita about the trail this time and, low and behold, all the marks were there – or were they?  Plenty of good calling, but only three runners today with Pisser, Culture Vulture and Butt Butt who were joined by the front hare Doggy Style.  Those front runners met the walkers several times as the trail forced them back and forth.  Then into the warren of houses (and steps!!) that make up the north-west end of Kadıkalesi.  Here the hares had managed to miss a few marks in places to slow down and fool the front runners – with success, so the walkers were back with the runners.  A good ON-IN provided and, after a lengthy false check, Pisser eventually caught up with Culture Vulture and then graciously allowed him to trot home in front even though CV had directed him home through a river that seems to be effluent from the Gümüşlük Waste Water Plant.

Not too long after that all the other hashers reached the RV where Fishy Fingers offered her cup-cakes before the GM called for the circle.  He welcomed today’s virgin hasher and then today’s award winner - the double virgin from the last run (new hasher and hare on the same run).  Then a couple of warm-up jokes and he handed over to the RA.  The RA started with another brilliant joke on the Valentine theme (well if no-one else is going to volunteer for Scribe, I don’t see why I shouldn’t go a bit over the top with praise!!).  Then he brought in the hares for the blatant pre-run untruth – not a single step.  Yes, Doggy Style, there were no single steps, just rakes of steps totalling several thousand at least.  A Down-Down was called for those not wearing red or pink as requested.  By the time shoe laces, bras, knickers and such paraphernalia had been counted, this left just one Hasher.  Butt Butt was brought for forgetting her mug again (and really had left it at home this time).  Pisser and Flasher were quick to pick up their mugs just before this as they had anticipated a down-down for the mugless. 

The RA then brought in Pisser and Flasher anyway to congratulate them on selling their house after 3 years on the market.  Pisser announced that the next hash would be his last with BodrumH3 until the 150^th and birthday hash in May.  He had asked Hose Handler (as current vice GM) to stand in as GM and Culture Vulture to stand in as RA until then.  They were then thanked for their inputs to the Hash over the past four years or so and Pisser admitted to preferring being RA to GM.

Pisser then returned to close the circle and called ON-ON-ON.  As the RA didn’t attend the ON-ON-ON, the scribe will end at this point.

ON-ON

Culture Vulture

Hash Trash - Run 142

A lovely sunny Sunday afternoon in January and one that the weather forecast had predicted heavy rain for so well done R.A. A group of keen hashers met by the football stadium for run 142. At 2pm the circle was called and the GM awarded the reinstated FRB award for the previous hash and gave it to Flasher and Helmet polisher for a sterling effort on the marathon (sorry hash ) that was run 141.Then the HONer for the previous hash was awarded by the hares and was given to Pisser as it was his 100^th run and was overlooked . The R.A came in a joke and then the hares were called in to give their usual lies , short , flat blah blah. A warm up to limber us up and On On was called .

We headed off down towards the beachfront in the picturesque beachfront in Gumusluk and soon after it became apparent that either the hares were being frugal with the flour or something was amiss as the trail was becoming less and less marked . Then we saw a group of ladies with a carrier bag and a dustpan and brush who were sweeping away our trail . A quick work from Butt Butt and it was discovered that we had inadvertently caused an uproar , the animal rights people were currently holding an emergency meeting in Gumusluk and our markings had become the main topic. A frantic phonecall and we learned that the Zabita and Janderme were also out clearing away the markings ! But not to be beat we carried on regardless in the general direction we thought we should be going , the result was a very pleasant walk or run around the village. Heading back towards the RV the pack came back all pretty much within a few minutes of each other . Culture Vulture came back saying it was the only time he had ever given up looking for the trail and seeing as though it had been swept away by every Tom Dick and Harry he would have been looking for it forever !

The circle was called and in came the GM to award down downs to virgins, returnees and a virgin hasher hare. The RA came in and gave a joke with the prompting from his wife , down downs given for various other misdemeanors , then Pisser was called in and given a large port down down for his 100^th run the previous hash. More camaraderie followed then we headed off to the On On On which was being held at Whilst You’re Down Theres home and was a delicious curry and swwet and sour made by Pisser and an apple crumble and chocolate tart made by Helmet Polisher . The food was heavenly , we ate we drank and we had a good old laugh . All in all another excellent Bodrum hash !!

On On Fishy Fingers !