Hares: Sugar Puff
& Vacuum Cleaner
Scribe: Perky
So we all
assembled, 30 of us, for run 126, which was set in the beautiful village and
countryside of Gümüşlük.
But first
I have to tell you about the AGM which was held on the previous Wednesday. In a
week when there has been much talk of the workings of democracy in Turkey, our
humble Hash set an example of democracy at its finest. As decreed, the RA
stepped up to GM just as our beloved PM will be President in two years time but
when the nominations for the new RA were sought there was a stunned silence
when we realised that the post would be contested. There were two contenders
and therefore there should be a vote. !!!
The GM decided a show of hands might lead to
some friction in the future so it was to be a secret vote. Wait….. As a new GM
had been elected shouldn’t he preside over this delicate task?? However “Comes
too soon” who I will refer to by his hash name as he was now a humble hasher
like me, decided he would cling to power, Gordon Brown like, until his the
final moment.
CTS
managed to acquire some suitable ballot papers and although there was a
shortage of pens, all votes were cast and the ballot papers collected. There
was a pregnant pause whilst the votes were counted, then counted again then the
result was announced.
After
counting the votes from all present plus the proxy votes Vacuum Cleaner had won
by ONE vote. There were protests
from the crowd. Who decreed that proxies were allowed? This is not democracy. Just as plans to
occupy Sofis were being hatched the tense situation was salvaged by the arrival
of more hashers. There could now be a new election and these illegal proxies
could be discounted.
Replay
the scene, more ballot papers, more sweating brows. VC folded his 3-page
acceptance speech as it became clear the vote was again close. Perhaps the
thought of the acceptance speech had swung the vote as VC’s majority had
disappeared. The result was a TIE.
Hash
tradition dictates that the GM would make the casting vote. But which GM? The
new one or the departed one? CTS ended
the debate by pusillanimously declaring that the post would be shared. There
was to be a coalition of RAs. This will mean that all jokes henceforth will
have to be approved by the other RA before being imposed on the hash. Watch
this space.
So back
to the Hash. It was a hot day.
RV was on
the beach next to Victoria’s Bar. Except it wasn’t next to Victoria’s Bar. No
Hashers were to be seen.!! Had we got the time right? No time had been mentioned in the
instructions. All was soon revealed.
The hares
had decided that a group of potential agitators none of whom were wearing
headscarves and harbouring containers obviously designed for alcohol would
invoke the wrath of the authorities. Wisely trying to avoid water canon, tear
gas and pepper spray they had secreted the circle behind some trees at the far
end of the beach, however a phone call to Sugar Puff and we were reunited with
the hashers.
You may
have guessed that the run was pretty uneventful by the digressions above.
I am
reliably informed that the runner’s route was picturesque. They ran through a
green valley filled with daffodils and daisies. They waded though a cool lagoon
with water lilies floating on the surface. They passed under a cascading
waterfall and ascended a limestone cliff to reveal a panoramic view over the
ocean.
Unfortunately,
I was with the walkers. About 14 of us. We walked up a hill. We saw white
houses, tarmac and precast concrete kerbs. Walked up another hill. More white
houses tarmac and precast concrete kerbs and we reached the beer stop. Semen
was enjoying the walk so much he went straight past the beer stop but was
persuaded to come back.
Now I
realised again what hashing is all about. A beautiful view. Lots of beer and
more beer . The runners eventually arrived. Remarkably both fast runners and
slow runners at the same time.
No one
was in any hurry to resume the run. The walkers eventually straggled away. I
decided I would now be a runner, as I would have time to squeeze in another
beer. Unfortunately I had to run back but as it had been all uphill to get
there I knew I could manage it.
So how
would this new circle turn out? What changes would be made? No more competitive
running. No more drinking from smelly sweat sodden trainers. No more
persecution of pufftahs. No more kissing in public. I am confusing the hash
with the government. Of course kissing in public is allowed. Turkish men have
always done it. When gay marriage inevitably comes to Turkey as it has
throughout Europe how will they decide who wears the headscarf? And which
pufftah will walk 5 paces behind? These are the things that keep me awake at
night.
The first
think I noticed since my last hash in Bodrum was that the down downs were now
served in thimbles .Our beloved Prime Minister must be proud of us. No more
drunken debauchery. Also song sheets were handed out. I think VC must have
forgotten the demographic profile of the Bodrum Hash. We will remember to bring
our glasses as well as our mugs next time or preferably try to make the font a
few sizes larger. Nevertheless like an England football team miming to the
national anthem we pretended to sing the words. I thought I recognised some of
the songs until VC started singing and I realised that the tunes were nothing
like I had heard previously. Even “ I don’t want to join the army “ in honour
of our GM bore no resemblance to the tune usually associated with it. Maybe we
need a Hash Piano.
Down
Downs were numerous from the thimbles.
There was
one virgin. I have been on hashes where the virgins have to introduce
themselves and say a few words about themselves. They are invariably
embarrassed and the experience prevents them from hashing ever again. It was
refreshing to note that this time the hashers introduced themselves to the
virgin. 30 hash names plus Yvonne. Then
all of the good work was undone when the virgin was ordered to name 10 of the
hashers who had just introduced themselves. Squirming with embarrassment she
named only 5. This was worse than failing your English GCSE. Another
prospective hasher lost for posterity.
So the
circle was closed.
ON ON ON
was at the Well signposted Limon except that all signs led to the wrong Limon.
The real Limon was in Gumusluk village. No problem for the residents who know
every blade of grass and every square inch of tarmac but no help for us
visitors. Close to a Mosque. Everywhere in Turkey is close to a Mosque. But
which Mosque?
We
finally found it only to be informed that our GM had left already. Someone had
podged (that’s an old Black Country Word meaning to jump the queue) and the GM
had left in a huff or possibly some other vehicle. This I found hard to
believe. Surely in Turkey no one would jump the queue. All of these polite
drivers that will always give way and everywhere you will find an orderly line
waiting to be served.
I thought
the food was excellent. A few discontinued items but substitutions were
acceptable.
On On
Perky
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